You know that morning when you remember youve already prayed for a better day last night but you end up sleeping back because its just.... its just too exhausting to live a new day. This sentence is probably the one who describes my 2011 to 2014 journey.
I did.... I admit that I was weak, really weak. I forced my young eyes to close themselves, I force them sometimes that I asked my neck too if it could help me by staying at 1 direction so I could avoid things I don't wanna see at the other directions. I.hated.myself. But then again... After all these torture I did to my inner child, I still didn't realize that I've hurt me. I've broke my inner-self that it decided to escape... away... away from my soul. I.have.lost.me.
I didn't know the problem was me, all I could think about is them. Them who put me down, really down until my back hurt cause they couldn't bend any lower anymore. And maybe what they said was true so why bother to reach the stars again? If I could blend myself with dust or if I was lucky I would end up being under some socialite's shoes..
And then here I am.... I don't even know how I end up writing on this website again. But man, this site.. that I've left for many years... is actually making me happy, real happy. But who knows that there was this day when my fingers would be numb just because pinching this keyboard.
Yes, now I believe, I really believe that life isn't a sleigh that comes to me, but its an energy comes from me that I create to make colors that I want to see.So here I am.. I am back...
Plus, I thank God cuz my back won't no longer bend down anymore, I'm now standing up and ready to fullfil the universe with my energy. I'm back, and I'm proud of myself.
And thats just a little bit of what happened these past years...